I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
