i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
