Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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