Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When are your genitals available?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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