I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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