had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
