haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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