I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
