jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
