what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
