Nicole vs. Life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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