I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
