Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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