In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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