I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
