I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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