i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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