I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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