so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize