Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize