I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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