I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
