Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
