he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
