I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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