Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
