Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
