Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
