ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
