life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.