It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
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It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye