im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
