I just gift wrapped bread.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.