I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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