found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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