I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
