im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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