It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
