id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I will be naked everywhere
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk is not a location!
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