I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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