Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
