That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
