Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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