Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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