I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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