Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
