If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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