It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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