I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this just has baby written all over it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
