I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
