He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
