Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
