Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize