I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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