I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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