She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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