So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
