I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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