Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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