She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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