She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
