Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
