her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
