I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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