so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
