I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
