He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
