these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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