i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
